Two Cats F**king

As purromised last week. Yet somehow still hot of the purress.

There was a young lad
Who said to his dad
How did I get my name?
I’ll tell you why
Dear Papa replied
A tradition of family, you see
Straight after the birth
The first thing seen
Or sound loudly heard
Depending on which is the better
The one for a go-getter
Take me as example
Born in a big storm
Called Raining Scorn
Or your sister
Little Rosetta
So, Two Cats –
It was here
At this purrcise point in rhyme
The dearly fussed pet moggie
Did stop abrupt
From licking its butt
To interrupt with a meow of
I’ll have you kneeow
That’s not . . . how us cats geow
We wine and we dine
Though with purrs and dead birds
To us the whole feline nine yards
In cat-and-mouse-like pursuit
Of her purrleasure
Nothing but exquisite delight
Not a fu- . . . fu- . . . fu-
F-fur? Dear papa did ask
All aghast!
That there soon would emerge
From the . . . from the . . . from the
Well . . .
What do you call that thing cats do
When they’re about to vomit and spew
A big fat juicy hairball?
It’s hardly a dance, contortion or trapeze
Despite being a big slice from any of these . . .
How about a haka?
A Kiwi kitty kinda
Yes, absolutely
That’s exactly what
The dear grimalkin did
Instead of tackle opposition
Its threat was to
A most beautiful Persian
On which it was laying
While verging on throwing up
In misguided assertion
Puss had become sour
Kitty caught in a loop
Of most unbecoming deep retching
Cat’s eyes almost popping
Far out from its pointy-eared head, man
Before finally composing
With a raised paw
All feline airs, full furry graces
And saying
The case is cat and dry
Purrfectly plain to see
Can’t even bring myself
To meow it
Wouldn’t even spray it
If on fire
Something so
Hot dog slobber degrading
So as for that name
It isn’t just wrong
But more so insulting
To the cat kama sutra
That art of stray kitty strutting
Called moggie love making
Though all that said
To change it correct
Would purrobably be
Too much of a meowful
But there’s plenty of room
For a tickle on mah bellah
If you’re feline eventful

grey cat

Header image courtesy of Eric Han.

Other poems about cats:

Next in vs. Poetry: Grate Expectations Will Only Lead to Tares
Last in vs. Poetry: Two F**king Cat Poems

Thanks for reading. 🙂

N. P. Ryan.



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