Unusual for me to be lost for words, but that I fully was when opening an email a few weeks back claiming to be from a major record label. It asked if I wanted to be involved in an incredible project involving one of the biggest bands around. It turned out to be true, the band in question wanting to make their last ever release special for a number of reasons, one of which being only asking a handful of independent reviewers to review it pre release.

And so here is my review of the forthcoming AC/DC album The Grapes of Rock no less, including an interview with one of my all time heroes of guitar, Angus Young!!!

I got to speak to him via a WhatsApp video chat, Angus wearing his trademark school uniform and cap for the call so I could be absolutely sure it was really him I was talking to. He said of the album:

“After all these years of rocking ‘n’ rolling all over the globe, we wanted to go out in a way that said a massive thank you to all that’s helped us along the highway to hell, and there’s been nothing bigger in that endeavour than good old fruit, mate!

Oh yeah, forget all that stuff behind the scenes like people booking hotels and roadies ‘n’ all that. Take fruit out the equation and the rest would all be for nothing. People think it’s all booze, sex and drugs, but no way, cobber. No way could we be up on stage running about like that every night without the delicious, refreshing, healthy goodness that is fruit – do people think we’re bloody superheroes?!

Avocados are my favourite, so I’m glad to be born when I am as otherwise they might not have been discovered yet; then again being from Australia they might have been here all along; so who knows, I might’ve been dinky di whenever, eh!”

I asked Angus if there was any particular stand-out story from all those years of touring; he replied:

“Oh, for sure! One night early on when we were first getting big Stateside, it was after a show and someone from the venue catering intervened when I tried to put some custard on an avocado. 

This guy was barking, ‘hey, what you doing, fella, that there’s damn custard you’re about to slather that avocado in not mustard!’

It’s things like that that can make life on the road so tough, make you miss the comforts of home. It’s not our fault if people don’t realise the Victorian custom of eating avocados with custard has stuck in Australia to this day.

We’ve always taken our own catering on tour with us ever since!

The album’s chock full of the usual cheeky innuendo that our doggedly loyal fan base of mostly middle-aged single men have come to love and expect, only on Grapes of Rock we’ve inserted some fruit into the mix too. We think it’s the perfect way to go out; cos like, by doing these interviews people get to learn a bit more about the Victorian era and how it still impacts Australia at the very least.”

Angus is certainly right there: even someone like me who thinks they’re consistently the best live band to ever play this planet (first seen 1988 last seen 2015), the last couple of decades of albums have been a bit . . . samey.

Lucky for me then that to help promote the album the label has allowed excerpts of the lyrics to be included in reviews!

Money Due

Helen with big melons
Said there’s money due
Cos I ate
All her honeydews

Beating Around the Mulberry Bush

She bought the peaches
I bought the cream
She whipped me right up
If you know what I mean

Pied Piper

Ooh, she only had eyes
For my dragon fruit
So like a trumpet
I gave her a toot

Let’s Eat Some Nuts

Make a nice flan
If I can
Kiwi fruit
Topped with pecan

Merry Mistress Ferry

Her huge Galias
Gave me a big ferry
She came aboard
I sailed her to merry

No Joker

It’s no joke
We cantaloupe
So have to settle
For a quick grope

Little English Lover

Pomegranate
British and tough
Ooh, UK baby
I like it rough

Unleash the Lemon

Big fat lemon
Full of juice
Squeeze it, baby
Turn me lose

Big Apple

Did apple you?
Or you pip me?
Who cares now
When we’re getting seedy

Blueberry Blues

I got the blueberry blues
Cos I got blueberry balls
Said she was a virgin
But jackfruit I wasn’t the first in

Highway to Hull

No meat pies
Carbohydrates
Nothing crappy’s gonna slow me down
Like to peel
Food with pips in

Runaway Rock n Roll Fruit Basket

The train done left about an hour ago
And honey, you still got a long way to go
My runway’s been blocked by Howard’s jet
Avocado
Jump in and we’ll get there yet

Little Peeler

Orange yourself
On the bed
I’m in the mood
For some head

For Feet About To Slip

If you see me
Sliding down the street
I got bananas
On my feet

This post was made before midday on the date of publishing. 

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