For readers not from the UK, maybe even London: ‘barnet’ is cockney for hair.

Your nose is big
Your eyes are small
Your mouth is puckered
Like a dog’s arsehole
Your ears are covered
By yellow hair
Like a meadow
Though not fair
Instead a barnet
Rough as straw
Like a fucked thatched roof
Above a knackered barn door
Even John Major
Thinks you’re a ****!

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