Vegan Hand Job

Verse about fixing motorbikes, becoming a vegetarian and liking clean hands.

The pre-vegetarian days
Of getting motorbike
Grease and oil off
With a fat juicy kebab
Finger licking WD-40 good
Nothing better!

Then one gets older
Considerably wiser
Stops doing daft things
Now it’s chick-peas and tofu
Replacing Swarfega


Whether working on a motorbike or car, regardless of whether you know what you’re doing or not, without a tub of distinctive Swarfega (Brand link/Wikipedia link), firmly the latter is how it looks.


Swarfega: once not for women or apparently ever Canadians as it’s sold in 36 countries but not here.

The only saving grace to not having some is knowing at least one of the two acceptable alternatives; the above mentioned kebab or a good squirt of washing up liquid (‘dish soap’ in Canada) and a small mountain of sugar (do not add water until ready to rinse).


In some places Swarfega goes under the name ‘deb Jizer’

Despite having now expanded into personal hygiene items such as shower gel, Swarfega has either failed or not bothered trying to break into the American market, thus leaving all mechanics here looking like they haven’t got a clue what they’re talking about.

Next in vs. Poetry: Murder on the Orient Express
Last in vs. Poetry: On the Buses

Thanks for reading 🙂

N. P. Ryan.


2 thoughts on “Vegan Hand Job

    • As far as I can tell from the ingredients (listed below) yes. But fear not, for either way the verse is about using things in its place and how that changed when no longer eating meat.

      C9-16 Alkanes/Cycloalkane
      Sodium Tallate
      Propylene Glycol
      Octadecyl Di-t-butyl-4-hydroxyhydrocinnamate
      Dimethyl Oxazolidine
      Sodium Benzoate
      Tetrasodium EDTA
      CI 19140
      CI 42090


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