A friend recently posted a poem about grief to her facebook feed that so perfectly encapsulates the condition I couldn’t help but ask for permission to share it here. It was very kindly given.

With thanks to Meehowu for use of the header image; a picture of the Sheffield Town Hall staircase at Christmas (licensing).

Grief it seems, is a timeless thing
It can hit you any moment from summer to spring
One minute you’re laughing and joking aside
The next, comes the darkness like a crashing tide
They tell you that time will heal your pain
But that’s all lies, it never wanes
“In a few months you’ll be back to your old self”
Well you can stick that idea to the back of the shelf
If truth be known, you never shall be
The person you were, before grief took thee
It consumes your heart like a dark shrouded veil
Only the love you still feel, helps your heart to prevail
I tell myself, today I will smile
That’s mostly true and it lasts for a while
In a flash, a thought, a word takes you there
That painful place that doesn’t care
The tears may fall at any time
The pain in my heart should be a crime
But love prevails, and the light will shine through
Because what I have left, are my memories of you.

Mum and Dad, together forever xx

— Hev Cagnasso

Hev’s parents passed within a week of each other during Lockdown 2021. They’d been together since 1958 rarely spending time apart other than that week, the restrictions of the time having implications on the ability to be at the side of loved ones in hospital to what could happen at their wake. I remember Hev’s posts well; a truly sad time to have witnessed even from a distance.

Something that particularly stood out was Hev’s ability to always articulate her feelings despite the acute difficulty of the situation. I have enough trouble talking to people about their grief, never mind any I might have. Often when those around me are suffering from such I struggle with what to say, it being very little to nothing at all. Yet knowing others have suffered the same is perhaps the most important aspect of comprehending grief, so I’m most grateful to Hev for allowing me to share her words here; words that so many times I wish I’d been able to find myself.

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