Ode to Alexander de Pfeffel

It’s not nice to write mean things about the way someone looks; but I’m not nice, so there.

(btw: much thanks to Pixa Bay for the header image x)

For readers not from the UK, maybe even London: ‘barnet’ is cockney for hair.

Your nose is big
Your eyes are small
Your mouth is puckered
Like a dog’s arsehole
Your ears are covered
By yellow hair
Like a meadow
Though not fair
Instead a barnet
Rough as straw
Like a fucked thatched roof
Above a knackered barn door
Even John Major
Thinks you’re a ****!

Thanks for reading 🙂

N. P. Ryan